Living Life in 3D

Those hot summer nights. I remember them clearly. The sun shining way into the evening, the last glimmer of sunlight and the moon shining in it’s fullness at the same time. Then, as it gets darker, the fireflies come out to play, and then the stars. Oh the stars. Growing up in the middle of farming country had some perks, and one of them was little light pollution. The first time I really, and I mean really, encountered the stars was on a backpacking trip in Glacier National Park in Montana here in the States. There were no city lights at all, and the stars were almost as plentiful as rain drops in a downpour. They were…something bigger….something…..more. More than I had once thought. Something grander than I had once believed.

The path of self discovery. It’s incredibly important for each and everyone of us to travel down. And, as I mentioned in an earlier post, we can’t just stop there. Though many often do, this simply leads to a one sided, one dimensional outlook on life-simply who we are. That may not sound so simple. And it’s not. We are incredibly complex. Which is why we must keep going. Going…past the point of self discovery, to the realm of self awareness. Understanding how others experience and the wake we may be leaving, is key to growth and maturity. It’s when we begin to become less self focused and more focused on those around us. Even the “other.” The ones we swear we are nothing like. Perhaps we could consider this two dimensional. And, for a mature adult, this could be the stopping point.

For me, self discovery is where I had stopped for awhile. That is until I realized for the first time, the massive wake I was leaving behind me. And I could have stopped there. Working on me and my behavior, trying to reach out to the other, or at least become more tolerant of the other. And I do continually try to learn more about my wake. But God continued to invite further. The path from this point on, just like the path up to this point, was uncharted, unknown and scary.

Looking up at the stars, that feeling of bigness, and that I am a part of that bigness, is something that invites us into it. And that is where our lives become, for lack of a better descriptor, three dimensional. It’s when we’ve gone from understanding who we are, and how others experience us, to understanding who we are IN Christ.

I have met so many people, followers of Jesus, that have no idea who they are in Christ. This key part helps us to see that we are a part of something much bigger and grander than ourselves. That we are a part of a much larger narrative, a story that is being written as we live, that God continually invites us into. We are more valuable than we could ever imagine, we are more precious than we could ever dream. I remember once hearing an interview with J. K. Rowling, the creator and author of Harry Potter. She said, “I always knew how the story would end.”She goes on to say that it was the story leading up to that end that was what brought her enjoyment and life.

And I believe Christ is the same with us. We are a part of a grand story. Each day, each moment in that presence of Christ, is another opportunity of learning about who we are from the One who created us. Who puts the very breath in our lungs. Why we are wired or gifted or skilled a certain way. Looking back on the life lived already and seeing how God used us through those things, and seeing we are a part of something much greater. Though we may seem insignificant, He desires us to be very intricate parts of it. We need to be reminded of those things from time to time. I hope you are.

be blessed today

 

Getting Caught in the Wake

Oh, that feeling. I hate it. Man, I hate it. It doesn’t matter if the person is small, big, girl, boy, old, young. It doesn’t matter whether or not they are in a position over you or under you at work. It is still uncomfortable. Walking on egg shells. It’s just not fun.

One of the biggest issues in the American Church today, is our lack of self awareness. Or put differently, our lack of understanding how we are experienced by others. This doesn’t just come in our personal interaction with people on a moment by moment or daily basis. But it also comes in our actions and verbiage towards “the other.” “The Others” are other people with differing views, perspectives, faith, theologies and lifestyles than us. In many cases, we may even just naturally assume that everyone else agrees with us or is just like us. Especially if we are part of the same faith community.

I am just as guilty of this as anyone else. I have made (and still do, I’m sure) blanket statements, stereotypes, and rash, harsh judgements. I can be arrogant, or perhaps my self confidence can come across as arrogance. I’ve made mention before that I am a tall, large, white male. This can cause intimidation, fear, feelings of frustration and/or being inferior in others around me. Whether I am trying to bring about these feelings or not, the truth is that simply who I am and how I act can bring about those feelings. A few years ago, I probably would have scoffed at that last sentence, but I have become much more aware of my wake.

 

Last post, I started a dialogue about self discovery. I really do feel this is an important step in our growth as people and especially as followers of Jesus. As we begin to walk down that road of self discovery, we could end up in a place of great growth. But we need humility. Self discovery, if carried long enough and is added with humility, will bring about self awarenesssocial-icons-01

Self awareness is when we begin to understand the wake that we are leaving behind us. Just as a speed boat cruising along at top speed will leave a tremendous wake, so do our actions. There’s a reason why marina’s have a “no wake” policy. If a boat is racing through the marina, it can cause a lot of damage to the docks, the other boats and even the shoreline. Our wake has an impact on those around us. And often times, it is hard for us to see our wake. It’s hard for us to see or understand how others are experiencing us. This is a key area of growth for us as people, let alone as people who are trying to follow Jesus a little better everyday.

I have people who I trust, who I have given the freedom to call me out on my stuff and to call me out when my wake is leaving a path of destruction. I tell them very clearly that I may not respond well to them initially, but I do want them to call me out on it. Why? Because if they don’t, and everyone else is walking on egg shells, who will speak out? And, how will I know what destruction I am leaving if no one speaks out? The Holy Spirit is there to reveal those things to us, to convict us. I don’t know about you, but many times I am too blind to see the Spirit or to busy and self focused to hear Him.

Self awareness, how others experience us, the wake we leave behind us are just another aspect of this journey of self discovery. And yes, just like finding ourselves (how we’re wired, skilled, likes and dislikes) is important, this is where many stop and dare go no further. They don’t dare continue to walk this path of self discovery. Yet, that’s exactly what God desires us to do…..the next part of the journey….

more to come…

be blessed today

 

Have You Found Yourself?

I can’t pin point the exact time it happened to me. I think with most things in life, it came about slowly, over time. It evolved. In all my travels around the globe, I’ve run into many people who were on that same journey. The places I found it most prevalent were in India, Nepal, Bali, Mongolia and a few places in the States such as here in Portland. But, I have encountered folks almost everywhere I’ve been, on the path of “finding themselves.”

My assumption is that the places I found it most, were  places that were very religiously “open.” Where people would not be shamed for believing what they did, no matter how ludicrous it may have seemed to people from their own home cultures. Sure, there was acceptance, but it was more than that. It was the freedom to dive into whatever beliefs they wanted to, carry that liturgy out to whatever extent they desired (minus murdering someone), and there was no public judgement or shaming. At least, not that they could tell.

The cultures we grow up in, no matter where we are, may have some sort of religious expectations upon us (no matter how religiously free we think we think our culture is). We believe what our parents believe, or perhaps we believe what the rest of the crowd we spent the most time with believes. And then, many of us hit a point where we think “what do I actually believe?” What I’ve noticed is that when we start down that road, we then begin to ask, “Who am I?” And so the journey of self discovery begins.

I’ve seen many people on this constant journey to find themselves. Trying to figure out small things such as, “do I really like broccoli” to much deeper more profound things like “do I really believe in God?” I firmly believe this journey is incredibly important to our growth as people. Figuring out our identity, our passions, our desires is foundational in really understanding who we are. This is the point where a lot of people I know have entered into a real, or more accurate understanding  of who they are, not what the world has told them they are. This is the journey of self discovery. I think this is an incredible moment in a person’s life. This is when people begin to really start to live in who they are. Finding themselves.

And then they stop. Or, they never add to this part of their journey. Don’t get me wrong, we need to be life long learners and learners of life. But that doesn’t mean staying in just this place.  It begins with asking the questions, “Who am I?” That could be a scary question, especially for a people pleaser like me. For a long time, and I still struggle with it, I was only who I was as long as people liked me, weren’t upset with me and who still accepted me. Simply put, to a point, I was a chameleon, able to blend in to any group, or more accurately, I took on the personality, likes/dislikes and interests of the group.

This lasted for a while, until I got to the point I realized I had no idea who I actually was. I couldn’t dissect me from them (whoever “them” was at the time). Again, I can’t pin point when it started, but it was somewhere around the senior year of high school and freshman year of college. And it has not ended since then. I am still discovering who I am. But I have added to the things I am learning about myself. We’ll tackle that in the next two posts. For today, perhaps it’s good to reflect and simply ask ourselves, “do I know who I am?”

More to come…

be blessed today

 

Actively Passive

When we knew God was leading us away from Russia, we began to ask “Where to?” God was silent…actually silent for awhile. There were many times I sat down with my spiritual director or a “soul friend” and lament. Lament is something we have forgotten in our North American church culture…but that’s another post. My laments were of sadness, the reality of grief of the loss of leaving somewhere we thought we’d be for a long time. And then there was the lament of frustration, the colorful language of fear, confusion and disorientation coming out. This was a calling out of God to be true to Who He said He was in His written word-a lamp shining on my feet and a light shining on my path. I forget that a torch, or an oil burning lamp doesn’t cast a very bright light…nothing like my LED backpacking headlamp does. No, a torch is just a few steps….

Anyway, my frustration led me to do what I know how to do…actively seek out where it is, hoping something would stick. Not quite throwing a wet noodle on a wall to see if it would stick, but close enough. I am a big believer in throwing things to the wind and seeing what happens. You don’t know unless you try is my philosophy, and so I did. Cold calls to churches in Canada, emails to churches in New Zealand, Australia, the UK, Sweden. Conversations with friends and friends of friends in Paris, the States and other places. And yet, nothing took. My active seeking out was becoming fruitless. As much as I am this active way, Iris is just as much the other way. Waiting to see what drops in our laps and then follow through on it is more her way of seeing where it is God is leading.

In these two seemingly very opposite approaches, you might imagine a massive amount of conflict. And, yes, that would make logical sense. But for us it is tension. Not tension in that we’re at odds and we need to walk on eggshells all the time. No, I mean good tension. Tension  like that of a keel and the sail of a sail boat. The sail catches the wind which pushes the boat. The keel however, catches the water and uses it as a ballast to keep not only the boat upright, but also to keep the boat from being blown all over the place by the wind. This way, the sail and keel work together to harness the wind to move it forward in the most effective and efficient way possible. They work in tension at all times. And both of them are completely utterly passive. They simply are there, at tension with one another, and allowing the wind to move them.

Last time I wrote about being passively active, the idea that we can be constantly active without even realizing it. This can mean coming to God with an agenda of our own when we make time for Him, and/or it can mean that we are living out our agenda all the time, simply asking God to bless it. I asked Iris the other day if she could sum up how she approaches God’s leading and she said it like this, “It’s watching for where He’s leading and then walking towards that, as opposed to going after every avenue and waiting for Him to close doors.” That latter part, that’s me. I’ve learned to follow my gut, and usually that works for me. However, there are times that I’ve learned I need to become actively passive. That is, simply wait on God and see what falls in my lap. Sure I earnestly seek Him in certain areas, but I’ve come to a point where I usually come to Him expecting…..expecting Him, and nothing else. Since I started living this way simply being, and I don’t do it all the time, but since I started approaching life this way, there have been far more unexpected experiences, lessons, encounters and Truths I’ve been met with than I would have ever expected. It’s the active decision to just be. There is an incredible amount of peace in that, that surrender and release. Believe me, I continue to experience it.

Perhaps today is a day you need to become actively passive, stop the doing and and just be. I know it’s super hard, but what would happen if you tried that today, asking for awareness of God’s presence and allowed Him to do what He does?

be blessed today

Calling-The Truth

Before caller ID, cell phones and any way of predicting who was calling me, I didn’t know who was calling until I picked up the phone.  When I would, there were certain people that in an instant, I knew who they were simply by the sound of their voice.  Maybe it was the influx of their voice, the intonation in the “Hi,” or it was the way they said my name. My parents each have a unique way of saying “hello” that I can identify in a second. My siblings do as well. So do incredibly close friends of mine.

Iris has a certain way she says my name, and it is something that commands my attention, demands pause from what I may be thinking about and brings focus to what she is about to say. Many times in the past, and especially these past difficult months, that voice, those words, my name as she says it, have brought me calm, comfort and peace. It’s what happens when two people are in such true love and bound so tightly to each other and to a redemptive God. At least that’s what they say, whoever “they” are. I’m not a romantic. But if I was, that would sound romantic to me. At least I think it would. But romanticism or not, it is true what I say of the power of our love, her voice and the voices of those who love me.

Though it’s not a perfect example because we are all imperfect humans after all, it is still an example of God’s calling on us. Or to be more precise, God calling us to Himself. God, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, are constants. They are unchangeable, immovable and stable. Last time, I wrote about the seemingly to me, ridiculous amount of emphasis we put on our “calling” in the Church here in North America. The questions of “are you called to this church, this people group, this country, this organization” are asked as if to further prove without a doubt that you are doing what God wants. Though you may desire to do something, go somewhere, minister to a certain people- that desire isn’t good enough. Though you may be gifted, skilled and have learned or God given abilities to effectively minister to them, that’s not good enough either. You must be “called.” As opposed to simply praying and discerning, even through group discernment, that perhaps your desires and God’s are aligned.

But in my searching the scriptures the past several years, trying to gain footing when it seemed like my “calling” was wrong, I found something astonishing. Actually, it’s what I didn’t find that was so astonishing. What I didn’t find was God calling anyone to anywhere, any one group, any church or organization. Instead, what I only found was that God called people to Himself. Called them to relationship. Called them to deeper intimacy. Called them to greater trust in Him and greater understanding of how powerless we really are (Step 1). Calling us, each and everyone of us, to the ONLY stable, constant, immovable thing (in this case a person)….God Himself.

What He does do is lead us to different places, groups, ministries, churches, jobs, organizations, states, countries, etc. Those leadings can change anytime, anyplace. And in many cases, those leadings can seem incredibly foolish when we apply our mere human logic to it. But His calling us to Himself…..it’s like that voice that calls my name, that demands my energy to listen and commands my attention. The only person we are ever called to. That voice of God, that calling of Him into a deeper relationship with Him full of Truth, full of Love, full of Peace…that calling never, never, never changes.

Never….no not ever.

be blessed today

 

 

 

The Break

I had a pretty heated discussion a while back with a friend. I had spoke with them in great detail about some private things, and had assumed it wouldn’t be a big deal for them to hear it. After hearing it, they began to push that I give them permission to share this with with other people. I calmly replied back that I would appreciate it if they didn’t say anything. And then, then came more pressing. Pressing and pressing, and me in shock that my friend would have pushed this hard to share something so private. My trying to keep calm and trying to wrap my head around why they were pushing so hard, I finally said firmly yet sorrowfully, “Listen, I cannot control you. If you want to share these details, it’s your choice. But I have asked you repeatedly not to and would hope that you would honor that request.”

That was the end of the conversation. We said our goodbyes, and I got in my car and just sat there, dumbfounded. The damage had already been done. No, not the damage of sharing private information, they had decided to not do that. No, the damage was the break in our once close relationship. That encounter caused me to hold them at arms length, and the intimacy we once shared, was no longer present. Eventually we made amends, but it took awhile for that to happen as I was so incredibly hurt.

God allows us the desires of our hearts. Either those desires are in alignment with His, or they’re not and He allows us to pursue them anyhow. He won’t control, instead He gives us the freedom to choose. But, it comes with a cost. It comes with the price of a broken relationship with the Creator, the Builder.

That is exactly what happened with Adam and Eve. He allowed it, sure. But it cost them something we have been trying to get back to as a human race ever since. And we’ve tried to fill it with everything we can, but not with God.

The next few posts, I’ll be sharing something I’ve been wrestling with and have not come to an end conclusion. But it does have some pretty significant impacts on how I view God. Not my original thoughts, but ones I think that are worth wrestling in the mud with.

But for today, it is simply the acknowledgement of a gracious loving God, who even when we are pursuing something that will hurt our relationship with Him, He still allows us to simply so we are the ones who choose Him for who He is. Romans 1 is a very clear picture of that. And, because He is just that gracious, kind, compassionate and loving, when we get into the pit of our pain from those choices, He is still there willing to carry us on His broad shoulders, with gentle hands and strong feet on solid ground. What a blessing that truly is. I hope we all can reflect on that picture as we go through the worries of today and try to save off the worries of tomorrow.

be blessed today

 

When We Become Yesterday’s News…

We all went on a hike as a family a few days ago. On the top of a mountain, walking the trail around, we had gorgeous views and bright, beautiful sunshine. The pines and Eastern Washington weather made for a good little hike. Though the top of the mountain was fairly flat, the edge of the trail was edged with, well, nothing. It was a cliff. Not a tall one, but at least a 40 feet drop, but far enough to cause a parent to worry. I am all for my kids being curious, getting close to the edge to get a bit of that rush feeling, but also within arms reach so I can keep a hand close to them in case they get a little too close.

So, I let them entertain their curiosity, me keeping close and keeping a close eye on what they were doing. Why? So they wouldn’t fall. Why wouldn’t I just let them fall? That seems like an odd question, right? I think anyone reading this would understand why I was keeping such a close watch on my kids, why I wouldn’t them to fall, right? It’s because we all understand that I love my kids, I cherish my kids, I want to protect my kids. I value my kids. They are valuable to me.

And there it is.

Last time I wrote about being important. How being important was something external. That we are constantly trying to get accolades or approval from other people. Being important is something you must achieve and constantly strive to keep up. But that can, and usually does, imprison people and hold them down because there is the expectation that either you keep up with it, or you fall to the side and fall out of importance. People can lose importance. We can lose our status. One definition I read said that important is “having relevant value.” And if you stop being relevant?

Being valuable is different. Yes, things can lose their monetary value. But we can never become less valuable to God. We aren’t a thing that needs to continue to be relevant in order for God to pay attention to us or to continue in relationship. No, we are something much greater-we are valuable. Valuable, by the same dictionary, “is having great value.” Even more than gold, or platinum. We are called children, sons, daughters, made a little lower than the angels as it says in Hebrews 2. Being valuable is all in the eye of the beholder. And since our Beholder is God, we don’t ever lose value.  Since we are at the apple of His eye, I’d say we are in a place of the deepest of relationships.

No ladders to be climbed to Him. No need for constant applause and cheap token awards. The Creator, the Builder values us above all other creation. I hope this finds you where you need to hear it today. I know I needed to.

be blessed today