There have been some moments in my life that have caused some minor disruptions-a kid’s dirty diaper, an unexpected house guest, the power going out (no offense to my friends in Spokane at the moment:), a flat tire on the way to work. Though some are seemingly more annoying and troublesome than others, it causes a delay in whatever it was that you were doing….
An then there are disruptions that seem to be seismic crater sized rifts that don’t just delay, they tear, rip, shred, warp, twist and crumble reality as we know it. I’m not suggesting the need to start comparing my earthquakes compared to yours, we’re all different. But, there have been some of these “destructive force” sized disruptions in my own life. At least they felt that way to me.
What usually happens is that I am knocked out of balance. I start to lose my stability. I start to wobble. Whatever was in balance before, suddenly cannot become balanced again. It becomes a game of over compensation matched with more over compensation. This throws more things out of balance, which, in turn, brings things falling to the ground, off the cliff, tumbling from the tight rope.
For me, it is a time of uncertainty about many things. Life becomes quite undefined and this means I can no longer control it. Richard Rohr refers to this time as a “crisis of limitations.” I have hit the limits of what my uber controlled, highly concocted world has to offer and with it comes a crisis. What do I do now? Where did my stability go? How do I get back to where I was? How do I regain control again?
Those questions continue to drive my compulsivity. We all have dysfunctions that drive our compulsivity in our lives. All of us. It’s part of this fallen world we live in and were born into. When these disruptions come, they are the sign of a deeper work that is happening..if we allow it. For me, I need to surrender to the disruption, or better yet, surrender to God’s deeper work. It hurts, at times. But if I never surrender, I can never see the full fruit of God’s deeper work and I will never be released from this compulsivity that I have. My question needs to change to “Do I want to get back to where I was?”
As long as I’m compulsive, I will blow past the present, those around me, God’s deeper work and the gift that is the now. I cannot see God’s presence with me in this moment, in this place, in this situation and circumstance. Disruptions are just that-disrupting the sometimes circus that goes on that hinders me from communion with God and His active ongoing creation around me. His active, ongoing re-creation within me. I’m learning to seek to understand the disruption before automatically dismissing it.Moses did with the bush. Joseph did in the pit and in jail. The disciples did with the crucifixion. Paul did when struck with blindness. Perhaps I should start doing the same. Lord, give me ears to hear and eyes to see. Amen.
Have you had those kinds of disruptions in your life? Perhaps they were far more than a “disruption” to you? Where was God in that? I’d love to hear your story. It spurs us all on in our journeys with Christ.